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Unconditional Love?

by | Jan 15, 2020

Have you ever seen unconditional love between a man and a woman? Does it last longer than a year? Is it part of the human condition that it’s not possible?

Unconditional love between a man and a woman is very rare. Regardless of your sexual orientation, Unconditional love between primary partners is very rare. What people consider love isn’t love, its only lust. Unconditional love and what people consider love are diametrically opposite.

The love or lust that you currently have for another is only a form of commerce. It is simply a means how to use something for your happiness.  Really, lust means how you get something out of it, what you get from the other and love means how to give.

When you don’t get that love feeling that your partner is caring for your needs, showing you the affection you desire, doing things for you, wanting to spend time with you over the time they spend on Facebook or Instagram, then the love you extend is also held back.

This isn’t love, this is commerce.

Conscious unconditional love means allowing the love energy to simply flow through you to another. Unrestricted by your ego’s desire to trade, keep or maintain the status quo. The energy of love simply flows through you to the other. This flow of energy allows the other to freely accept without their unconscious picking up the ego’s hooks it formerly attached.

When you seek to be loved, you are trying to feed that unlovable little part of you from another. This can never access you to the extent to heal that inner part. No external validation can have lasting effects. This is why lust is so prevalent in society. This lust is what hallmark cards are made of.  The continual search for that un-quenching desire of lust.

Getting clarity of your intention isn’t easy, it isn’t your conscious intention that I’m speaking of. It is your shadow intention. The function and reasons behind your seeking love in the first place. It isn’t easy to dig that deep, it takes courage, strength and endurance.

The ego is sneaky and will try to distract you with the person in front of you. Distract you with thoughts of the other holding back “love” from you, or worse thoughts of how much “love” you get from them. Even in this talk of love you are speaking in terms of lust. Take time to look within, and then you will come to an understanding that you have not once in your life looked lovingly toward someone. Your ego has been using them as a way of satisfying its hunger. If you continually seek the validation of love from another, you can never find the unconscious belief that you are unlovable.

Your brain has a physiological response to the ego lust you experience in the first honeymoon phase of a “love” relationship. Your brain gets its reward centre signals stimulated and validated in the caudate nucleus & ventral tegmental regions you are fooled into believing it is love from the other. Your dopamine levels, oxytocin and vasopressin are increased during the phase of new relationships. The ego uses this new “love” in your life as part of its survival mechanisms as well. The ego protection pathway between the prefrontal lobe, nucleus accumbens and the amygdala is also slowed down for a while during this phase.

So you are blind to those buttons being pushed. Over time the chemical levels drop from frequency. You begin to drop those emotion protection mechanisms and you will begin to have your buttons pushed. Once the perception of what you are getting from the other decreases your defence mechanism get reactivated and the honeymoon is over.

So your ego doesn’t come into the relationship after 1 year. Your ego has been there the entire time, just using the other as a way of avoiding that inner pain. The focus now gets externalized as you start to experience more and more upsets.

Many people seek to have “unconditional love” yet the moment the other person triggers us or prefers to be with someone else the “unconditional love” stops right there.

So, it might be good to take a look at the conditions you need to feel loved. In other words, take a look at your “love” interests on that dating site you just visited. What are your “conditions”?

The difference between lust and love is lust uses the other person to fulfill some of your desires. These unconscious beliefs you have about yourself that you seek to have filled by the other. The other person is only used, and when the use is done with you can throw the other person away. The other person has no more use to you; their ego function is fulfilled. Using the other as a means this way is the greatest immoral act.

Love is just the opposite: it is respecting the other as an end unto himself or herself. Had you loved anybody as an end unto himself, then there would have been no feeling of hurt; you would have become more enriched through it. Love makes everybody rich.

Secondly, love can only be true if the ego isn’t hiding behind it.  Otherwise love becomes only an ego trip. It is a subtle way to dominate, validate and subsequently invalidate the other. One has to be very conscious because the ego desire to dominate is very deep rooted in the unconscious metabeliefs. It never comes naked; it always comes hidden behind beautiful clothes, cars, push up bras, work or simple shinny ornaments.

The Love you truly want is the hardest thing in the world, the most arduous. It really needs guts to be in love. That’s why people escape from their pain in the name of tinder, bumble & plenty of fish. They were not really escaping from the pain, they were escaping from love. It was the fear of love that drove them away to the night clubs, to online dating or to the monasteries & ashrams.

The first thing that Love requires is dropping of the ego. It is easy to pretend it isn’t your ego in the name of virtue, being the better person, morality or religion, all just beautiful words to decorate the ego, to nourish and feed it.

When you hide behind your beautiful facades you not only deceive others, ultimately you yourself are deceived.

Love is one of the most dangerous state to be in. You have to put aside your ego, only then can it blossom. Love is real spirituality, but when I use the word love you can again misunderstand – to the other extreme – you can start thinking in terms of lust. Love is not lust either. It is not the so-called religion and it is not the so-called worldly life. Love is different from both.

Love is a transcendence of lust and ego. An unconscious love life gives you ego and destroys love, and this life gives you lust and destroys love. These are the two extremes: ego and lust. Right in the middle of the two is love; it is neither ego nor lust, it is transcendence of both.

The ego tries to deceive you with the use of opposites, its one-sided view point. People say that if they don’t go on Tinder they will never find a date, they will never get laid. This version of unconscious sexual dating isn’t about love, it’s about lust. Do not get the two confused. If all you desire is emotional emptiness and avoidance by all means swipe right. Do not fool yourself, your brain may still get the momentary hit of freeing illusions, yet the results are simple addiction to the high.

If you are seeking to get your car’s motor fixed, you can’t go through the drive through at McDonalds and get your motor fixed. You are looking in the wrong place.

Can you experience unconditional love in this lifetime? Yes of course you can! The steps to remove the conditions to love take time, effort and resolve.

Begin by listing all those conditions you have to feel loved and the conditions that make you feel unloved. You are truly blessed to have a conscious partner to address these conditions that formerly served your status quo.

Let the tension guide you to release all those connections to your old unwanted mistaken beliefs of self that get triggered when the conditions aren’t met. Don’t make it about your partner, make it a priority to find out what your “it” really is, where “it” came from, how long “it’ has been with you. The answer is in discovering where that little part of you is hiding feeling “it”. Connect with that little part of you back there in your past, correct that part of you and develop skills to maintain your connection with that part of you. 

After all you truly are lovable just the way you are and that little part of you is where the unconditional love needs to be given.

Continue your journey at

Tim Wheatley


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